Let me say this up front: I’m not a parent. But I have worked with the kids who grow up in homes where “open dialogue” means “as long as you agree with me.” I work with the queer adults who still flinch at the idea of talking about identity around the dinner table. And I work with trans folks, brilliant, brave, exhausted people who are carrying the impact of being erased, dismissed, and demonised… often by those who claim to love them most.
And I’m tired of watching the same cycle play out on national platforms.
Recently, Parental Guidance, a show broadcast across Australia featured a conversation about gender identity and trans youth. And once again, transphobia was packaged up in “concern,” “conviction,” and “Christian values,” while the so-called “expert” did absolutely nothing to name it for what it is. Harmful. Dehumanising. And dangerous.
But we need to talk about more than just this episode. Because what happened on that screen, the statements, the silences, the smug justifications, that’s not just bad TV. That’s the reinforcement of a cultural script. One that is actively harming trans people every single day.
The moment that lit the fuse
Let me set the scene.
A group of parents, all with very different values and parenting styles, sit around discussing masculinity. One of the experts (whose role is supposedly to offer guidance grounded in research and compassion) tries to highlight the harm that rigid gender roles do to men and boys. The kind of pressure that says, “real men don’t cry,” or “you’re either tough or you’re weak.” And I’ll admit, I was tracking along for a hot minute. These are real issues.
But I was waiting for the twist. Because conversations about masculinity that don’t make space for trans, non-binary, and gender-diverse people inevitably become conversations that reinforce binaries.
Then it happened.
One of the “traditional” mums who is very vocal about her Christian faith, and already known from previous episodes for espousing purity culture ideals responded with this gem:
“I believe that in identity, there is a man and a woman.”
She went on to say, with complete certainty:
“If my girls decided, and they are not going to but if they said they wanted to be men, that wouldn’t be an option in our house.”
“I wouldn’t stop talking to them, but it won’t happen.”
“If you’re okay with gender swapping, you might as well be an animal.”
And just like that, the conversation went from a discussion about the impacts of gender roles… to a platform for blatant transphobia.
Transphobia doesn’t need to scream to be violent
Let’s be clear: these kinds of statements are not neutral. They are not “differences of opinion.” Not just examples of people “standing by their beliefs.”
They are violent. They erase identity and they reinforce stigma. Driving trans kids further into isolation, shame, and fear.
- They are the reason that in Australia, trans young people are 15 times more likely to attempt suicide than their cisgender peers.
- They are the reason why many trans people will never feel safe coming out to their families.
- They are the reason support services are overwhelmed, underfunded, and trying desperately to plug the holes created by unchecked cultural harm.
These statements also tell on themselves. Because while this parent is insistent that her daughters “won’t have that problem,” she still claims to have “open dialogue” and to want to “support people with these problems.”
But here’s the thing: indoctrination isn’t openness. Teaching your children that there are only two options, and that one of them is inherently wrong, is not neutrality. It’s a setup. It’s a trap disguised as love. And it’s cruel.
The “expert” who chose to be neutral in the face of harm
If that wasn’t bad enough, the show’s “expert” who is tasked with facilitating the conversation and offering guidance, responded not by calling out the harm, but by smoothing it over.
Their takeaway?
- We need to approach things with “compassion, acceptance, and love.”
- That people with “confusion or challenges in their gender identity” need mental health support.
- And that “there is no one right answer, we just don’t know enough yet.”
What an absolute cop-out.
We DO know enough.
- We have decades of research, lived experience, and community wisdom.
- We know what helps and what harms.
- We know that affirmation saves lives.
- We know that rejection, dismissal, and religious-based shame create the conditions for trauma.
To hear a professional equivocate like that on national television, while a parent is actively erasing the possibility of her child ever being trans isn’t just disappointing. It’s negligent.
It gives a false sense of legitimacy to harmful views. While validates those sitting at home who think, “see, even the expert says we don’t really know.” It leaves trans people, especially trans youth, sitting on their couches watching this play out and wondering if they are too much. Too confusing, controversial and too broken.
The cultural story underneath it all
This isn’t just about one show. It’s about the story our culture keeps telling and retelling about trans people.
- The story that paints them as a problem to solve.
- The story that assumes cis people are the authority on gender.
- The story that centres parental discomfort over a child’s right to exist.
- The story that implies affirmation is indulgence, but rejection is love.
Religious fundamentalism (because that’s what it is, let’s not pretend otherwise) loves to cloak its cruelty in concern. It says, “We just want to protect kids” while systematically endangering the very children who don’t conform. It says, “We love everyone” while drawing rigid lines around who qualifies as “everyone.”
And the media? More often than not, they platform this bullshit without any real accountability. Under the guise of “balance” or “diverse perspectives,” they offer airtime to ideologies that are killing people.
This is the world trans people are trying to survive in.
What does true support look like?
True support for trans people isn’t passive. It’s not silence or avoidance. And it’s not “live and let live ” either.
True support is loud. Unapologetic. And sometimes, yes angry.
- It looks like interrupting transphobia in the moment, whether it’s on TV or in your kitchen.
- It looks like teaching your kids that identity is expansive, not threatening.
- It looks like learning from trans voices and letting them lead.
- It looks like refusing to let “faith” be used as a shield for bigotry.
- It looks like choosing discomfort over complicity.
Because yes silence is complicity.
If you are watching harm happen in real time and choosing neutrality, you are siding with the oppressor. That might sound harsh, but the cost of sugar-coating it is too high. Trans lives are on the line.
To the trans folks reading this: you’re not the problem.
You never were. You are not confusing and you are not “too much.” Nor are you a punchline, or a hypothetical, or a moral debate.
What you are? You are whole, sacred and you deserve safety, celebration, and ease.
And when we talk about harm, like what aired on Parental Guidance we’re not talking about you. We’re talking about the systems, the beliefs, the behaviours that have failed you.
You are not broken. The culture is.
To the rest of us: now’s not the time to be quiet.
This is not just a parenting issue. It is not just a media ethics issue. This is a cultural and political crisis.
We don’t get to sit back and say, “Well, I don’t have trans kids,” or “I don’t watch that show,” or “That’s just her belief.”
This is about all of us. About what kind of world we’re shaping. Whether we believe trans people have a right to exist without justification or apology.
- Let’s be the people who don’t look away.
- Let’s be the ones who say: this isn’t okay and it never was.
- Let’s be the voices that drown out the hate, not by being polite, but by being brave.
We’re not “tolerating” identity anymore. We are celebrating it.
We’re not debating trans existence. We are defending it.
And if you’re still on the fence? Let me be clear: identity isn’t the threat. But your silence might be.
If this hit something in you, or you’re navigating your own questions around identity, safety, or unlearning, know that my therapy space is a place where you don’t have to explain why you matter. You already do. Reach out here.