Your wedding is such a special day in many people’s lives – it’s a day to celebrate love and cherish the person standing next to you; it’s a day that you remember for the rest of your life.
Planning a wedding however can give a different vibe, for some planning their wedding is not an enjoyable experience. I know if I look back on planning my own wedding, sure there was excitement and anticipation but there were also many times of stress, frustration, sadness and even anxiety.
When you trying to make something so perfect you are bound to come head on with these emotions – my day was perfect but not everything went perfectly.
For many engaged couples in 2020 planning and having weddings looks quite different due to the global pandemic. Some of you will have went ahead with the small ceremony, but many of you will have postponed until a later date.
For those of you who postponed; I can only imagine the mixed bag of emotions that you have experienced and are still experiencing. While I will get to some suggestions on managing that, I want to really reinforce something.
IT’S OKAY TO BE SAD!
You have been planning and dreaming about this special and magical day. Something you cannot control has changed the way that looks, it is okay to be sad about that, its okay to feel disappointed and frustrated.
Don’t allow someone to dismiss or invalidate what you are feeling. Saying things like “at least your both healthy” or “stop overreacting, it just a wedding” – these are not the people to be around!!
Other things to try not to do:
- Numb the emotions with drugs, alcohol, food, caffeine, or anything to try and ‘take away the feeling’
- Pretend everything is okay – this is not a time to fake it till you make it. If you feel like crying that’s okay, allow yourself to cry.
- Hold on to what you are losing; it’s an uncontrollable situation that cannot be changed, try to see and recognise the loss but not cling to it.
Whilst there is not going to be a one size fits all approach to managing this, I want to give some tips on coping with the loss of your original wedding.
Kindness is Key
It should always be your number 1 priority to look after yourself. Understand emotions can come like waves and be gentle and kind to yourself. Introduce some new and refreshing self-care into your lifestyle where you get to focus on you – a gratitude list can be beneficial to help you highlight areas in your life that you are thankful for.
Monitor your energy
Where we put our energy can impact our whole day, sometimes our whole week. Whilst you may be inclined to pour yourself into your new wedding plans, do not put all your energy into them. Allow yourself space and time to invest in other things that you love.
Support, support, and more support
Speaking of people you love to be with, surround yourself with them and let them help. Not just with wedding plans but emotionally also. Join a social media group or connect with friends who are in a similar situation of having to postpone. You might find sharing with others who understand helps you to feel lighter and more optimistic about what’s ahead.
Your partner cannot read your mind
As much as we would love our partner to just know what we need, they don’t. Let them know, you need space, help, a hug or to talk it out; lean on each other.
Remember that you are in this together and that its their wedding being postponed also, so they may be experiencing similar feelings that you are.
Wedding 2.0
Try and start seeing your wedding in a different light and not as a back-up plan. Maybe there is something new and exciting you always wanted to have but didn’t have the time? Maybe a flash mob with your wedding party, a choreographed bridal dance with your new husband/wife, or those DIY favours you fell in love with.
See this as an opportunity that benefits rather than hinders your special day.
Celebrate
This is so important; you picked the day for a reason and so make sure you do something special. Whether you do something quiet with you partner like a dinner at home, cracking open that bottle of champagne you were saving or hosting a zoom party with your loved ones and wedding party, make sure it is about celebrating.
Be Future Focused
Lastly think about how you want to remember this time. Do you want to use it as a interesting stories to tell any future children, perhaps you want to remember how well you coped with the stressful time. It could even serve as a helpful reminder for later stress as a married couple years down the track. You may even like to journal about the experience to look back on one day.
I want to mention thought that if at any point you feel like your stress levels are too high. Please reach out to a local counsellor and get some professional support. With some guidance you can develop new ways to cope and new ways to overcome challenges either individually or as a couple.
Whilst your wedding day is special, try to remember that it is a day. Your relationship is much more meaningful and it’s not worth risking the love you have for one another.
Staying connected is the key to getting through this season.
Image: Personal photo from my own wedding of the stunning florals by Evie Primrose Floral and Photography by Neaton Photography.