I’ve been there—standing at the crossroads of faith, inner turmoil, and that relentless voice inside that questions whether your own experiences and emotions are valid. This is what I call self-spiritual gaslighting, a term that might be new to some, but the experience is often all too familiar for anyone who’s walked a spiritual path and survivors of religious trauma.
What Is Self-Spiritual Gaslighting
Let’s start with the basics. Self-spiritual gaslighting is when you invalidate your own experiences, beliefs, or emotions because they don’t align with a spiritual narrative you’ve been taught. It’s that internal voice saying, “You must be overreacting,” “Maybe it’s just my lack of faith,” or “Am I making too much of this? Maybe I’m just not praying enough.”
It’s a process where you essentially turn spiritual beliefs against yourself, using them to dismiss your own needs, feelings, or truth. This can look like dismissing your pain because “everything happens for a reason,” or convincing yourself that doubt is just a sign you need to trust more, when in reality, your doubt is telling you something deeper.
My Own Experience
I’ll be honest—this is something I’ve wrestled with personally. There was a time when I found myself constantly questioning whether my emotional struggles were “real” or if they were just tests of faith that I needed to endure. I had learned to push down feelings of anger, sadness, or even discomfort by telling myself they were a lack of spiritual maturity. I convinced myself that if I just tried harder, prayed more, or believed with greater conviction, the unsettling feelings would disappear.
But here’s the thing—they didn’t.
Instead, I spiralled deeper into self-doubt and began to gaslight myself into believing that any discomfort I felt was a sign of personal failure. It took me a while to realise that those emotions were signals, not of spiritual inadequacy, but of the need to step back and reassess. My inner world was screaming for attention, and instead of listening, I was telling it to shut up with spiritual platitudes.
The Subtle Signs Of Self-Spiritual Gaslighting
One of the hardest things about self-spiritual gaslighting is how subtle it can be. It often creeps in unnoticed, disguised as “spiritual growth” or “self-discipline.” Here are a few signs that may resonate:
- Downplaying your emotional needs: You tell yourself things like, “This isn’t important enough to bother God with,” or “Others have it worse, I shouldn’t feel this way.”
- Labeling valid feelings as sin: Feeling angry? Instead of acknowledging that anger might have something important to teach you, you push it away because “good people forgive and forget.”
- Relying on spiritual clichés to avoid confronting tough emotions: You find yourself saying, “It’s all part of God’s plan” or “Just have faith” whenever you’re in pain, rather than sitting with the discomfort and asking what it’s telling you.
- Feeling guilt for having doubts: Doubt can feel like betrayal, and instead of exploring where that doubt comes from, you stuff it down because you believe it’s a sign of spiritual weakness.
So, Why Do We Do It?
Many of us have been conditioned to believe that our spiritual lives must be without blemish. We’re taught that if we struggle or doubt, it’s a failure of faith rather than a natural part of growth. For me, this conditioning ran deep. The idea that I could somehow “think” or “pray” my way out of discomfort became a coping mechanism. But the truth is, this mindset only serves to keep us disconnected from ourselves.
Self-spiritual gaslighting often stems from a fear of facing uncomfortable emotions or truths. It’s easier to invalidate our pain than to sit with it.
We tell ourselves that spiritual bypassing—using faith to avoid reality—is more virtuous than digging into the messiness of our own experiences. Spoiler: it’s not.
The Cost Of Self-Spiritual Gaslighting
When we gaslight ourselves spiritually, we cut ourselves off from our own inner wisdom. We tell ourselves that our needs don’t matter, that our emotions are just obstacles to spiritual enlightenment. But this is dangerous because it can lead to:
- Emotional burnout: You can only suppress feelings for so long before they come back with a vengeance. Constantly invalidating your own experience creates a disconnection that can make you feel lost, isolated, and exhausted.
- Spiritual disconnect: Ironically, the more we gaslight ourselves in the name of spirituality, the more we become disconnected from our own spiritual intuition. Your faith becomes performative rather than authentic.
- Perpetuating trauma: For those of us healing from religious trauma, self-spiritual gaslighting can keep us stuck in the cycle. We may end up re-traumatising ourselves by invalidating the very real harm we’ve experienced in the name of faith.
The Healing
So, how do you stop gaslighting yourself? It’s not an overnight process, but there are steps you can take toward healing:
- Acknowledge your feelings: Start by validating your emotions, no matter how uncomfortable or “unspiritual” they seem. It’s okay to be angry, hurt, or confused. Those feelings are valid.
- Create space for doubt: Give yourself permission to ask questions and explore uncertainty. Doubt isn’t the enemy; it’s often the doorway to deeper understanding.
- Challenge the internal narrative: When you catch yourself saying things like “I should just trust more” or “Maybe I’m not faithful enough,” pause and ask where that belief is coming from. Is it truly reflective of your experience, or is it something you’ve been taught to think?
- Lean into self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and grace you would offer someone else. Self-compassion is the antidote to self-spiritual gaslighting. You don’t have to “fix” everything to be worthy of love and care.
- Find community: Healing often happens in connection. Surround yourself with people who honour your journey and validate your experiences. You’re not alone in this.
Looking Ahead
Self-spiritual gaslighting can be an incredibly isolating experience, but it doesn’t have to be your reality forever. By acknowledging the ways we gaslight ourselves and taking steps toward self-compassion, we can reclaim our spiritual journeys and find deeper meaning in our lives.
For me, this has been a slow and ongoing process, but I’ve learned that my emotions—especially the uncomfortable ones—are not my enemies. They are my guides, leading me to a more honest and authentic version of myself. And that, I believe, is the true essence of spirituality.
You’re allowed to feel and you’re allowed to question. You’re allowed to be exactly where you are.
Reach out if this is something you would like to explore. You can contact me here.