Regardless over whether you were raised in or out of religion; what is guaranteed in this life is that we will go through grief, pain, loss. For many this will manifest in mental health challenges and even trauma.
The reason that I began this with religion, is because if you have been a part of church community or high control religion. You may have also experienced people telling you that you don’t need to worry about these areas.
Spiritual bypassing is something that I not only experienced from others, but I perpetuated it on myself also. I was recently reminded through Facebook memories of my study space I had set up whilst doing my degree. I had a sign, front and centre that read “Too Blessed To Be Stressed”. Now, if you wanted to have a little vomit in your mouth – thats okay, because I did too!
It was things like this, and bible passages that I would use to remind myself to not think about my feelings. Feelings were not to be trusted and they would definitely lead you astray. I remember also being taught that if I was struggling, that it was either God testing/teaching me or I was lacking in faith and devotion.
What is Spiritual Bypassing?
Basically, its this…
Okay, seriously though; spiritual bypassing refers to the use spiritual beliefs or practices as a way to avoid facing or dealing with uncomfortable emotions, unresolved issues, or psychological wounds.
It involves seeking enlightenment or transcendence without addressing the underlying psychological or emotional challenges. This can lead to a superficial sense of well-being or a false sense of enlightenment, while neglecting deeper inner work and healing.
It is at it’s core, a way to use spiritual means to bypass human emotions or experiences. Sometimes, you will hear it referred to as toxic positivity in the secular world.
Whilst this is not specific to Christianity, it was something that I saw, and heard in many other peoples stories. Christianity are my roots and so that is where I will speak to.
Over Emphasis on Positivity
Some Christian teachings may focus heavily on positive thinking and faith. While downplaying or ignoring the reality of suffering, doubt, or difficult emotions. This can increase pressure to suppress struggles or doubts in favour of projecting an image of unwavering faith and happiness.
You will hear this in statements such as “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” or “You just need to have more faith, and your problems will disappear”. Sometimes bible passages such as “I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength” will be weaponised and used as a way to dismiss or bypass someones experiences.
Dismissal of Mental Health
Whilst I recognise that this isn’t the case for all churches. There is a systemic issue around using spirituality to bypass seeking therapy or medication when it is needed.
There is a tendency to attribute mental health challenges solely to spiritual causes or as a lack of faith. Instead of encouraging individuals to seek professional help or support, they are told to pray more or to have more faith. Which can invalidate their experiences and delay necessary treatment.
You will hear this with phrases such as, “Depression is a sign of spiritual weakness; you need to focus on your relationship with God”, “You’re feeling anxious because you’re not surrendering your worries to God” and “Don’t worry about seeking therapy; God is your ultimate healer”.
Shaming Doubt and Questioning
Within many Christian communities, questioning beliefs or expressing doubts may be discouraged or seen as a sign of weakness. This creates a culture where individuals feel pressured to suppress their questions or doubts in order to fit in or avoid judgment, rather than engaging in healthy dialogue and exploration of their faith.
This will sound like, “If you’re struggling, it’s because you’re not trusting God enough”, “Stop questioning and start trusting; God’s ways are higher than ours” or the one that I heard a lot was “If your having doubts, then you haven’t built your foundation properly”.
Relying Solely on Prayer
This one that I found particularly painful; as someone who was never ‘good’ at prayer. I found myself reinforcing that something was wrong with me every time I was reminded to ‘just pray more’.
While prayer can be a source of comfort and guidance, spiritual bypassing may occur when prayer is used as a way to avoid taking practical steps to address challenges or problems. Instead of seeking tangible solutions or support from others, they may rely solely on prayer, hoping for a miraculous intervention without taking action themselves.
It can sound very obvious such as my example above of having someone tell you “if you pray more, everything will be fine” or “You’re not praying hard enough if you’re still struggling”. However, it can also sound like “God helps those who help themselves; stop relying on others and start relying on Him”.
Other Areas We See Spiritual Bypassing
Whilst this article and list is never going to be exhaustive and capture everything, these are the main areas that I have witnessed and heard. Some other spaces we see spiritual bypassing are:
- Hyper-focus on positive or life affirming confessions, or hyper spiritual experiences to avoid underlying issues.
- Pressure on forgiveness without proper acknowledgement; such as ‘forgive and forget.
- Focus on divine intervention such as healings and miracles rather than medical interventions or financial planning.
- Shaming an judgement on any emotions outside peace and joy – or outside the fruit of the spirit.
- Selective (and often out of context) bible passages that focus heavily on positivity and prosperity.
- Cultural and racial bypassing; ignoring or minimising the impact of systemic injustices or historical traumas within the church.
Self-Spiritual Bypassing
Like I mentioned earlier, some of these problematic statements came from myself rather than others. We know that excessive negative self-talk can be damaging, excessive positive self-talk can do the same. Especially when we are using it as a way to bypass the pain we are experiencing or to conform to those around you.
We may convince ourselves that we must maintain a facade of unwavering optimism and spiritual enlightenment, regardless of the turmoil brewing beneath the surface. Bury our pain beneath layers of affirmations and spiritual platitudes, hoping that by ignoring our struggles, they will eventually disappear. We may immerse ourselves in meditation, prayer, or other contemplative practices as a means of avoiding the discomfort of facing our inner demons.
Hiding behind a facade of spiritual superiority, using our perceived enlightenment as a shield against vulnerability and intimacy. We may judge others for their perceived lack of spiritual awareness, distancing ourselves from those whose struggles mirror our own. In doing so, we create an illusion of spiritual superiority, while neglecting the messy, imperfect humanity that lies at the heart of genuine spiritual growth.
How Do I Navigate This?
Well, whether we are navigating it from ourselves or others, there are a few key areas that can be really beneficial.
- Awareness is key. We must cultivate a deep sense of self-awareness, courageously confronting the parts of ourselves that we would rather avoid. This requires honesty, humility, and a willingness to embrace our vulnerabilities with compassion and acceptance. This is important when we hear the statements from others; because we then tell ourselves that it’s okay to feel frustrated, invalidated, or misunderstood when someone dismisses your experiences or struggles.
- Embrace the full spectrum of human experience, including the messy, uncomfortable parts that we would rather ignore. Instead of seeking refuge in spiritual platitudes and superficial positivity, be willing to sit with our pain, our sadness, and our fear, allowing them to teach us the lessons they have to offer.
- Boundaries are your friend. If certain situations feed your self-talk, work out ways to change, minimise, or disengage from them. If certain people are dismissing you; know that if you are comfortable (and safe enough to), you can communicate your needs.
Ultimately though, sometimes we need to know when to walk away, from a conversation, a relationship, a church, a system. If people continue to engage in spiritual bypassing despite your efforts to address it. It may be necessary to disengage from the conversation or limit your interactions with them. Protecting your own emotional well-being is paramount.
Your Story Matters. Always
As Brené Brown says. “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”
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