We often hear about the extremes of excommunication or shunning, but isolation is not only prevalent in cults or high control religions. We see isolation playing out everyday in many churches around the world. It is a very strategic tactic that is baked into the culture of churches to have a worldview of ‘us vs them’. So when someone steps outside of that, well it doesn’t go down very well.
This is something that often goes unnoticed, a silent but effective form of religious and spiritual abuse. So, its high time we talk about it.
The Power Play: How Isolation Works
In religious contexts, isolation refers to the deliberate separation or alienation. Generally from their broader community or support networks within the religious community itself. This isolation can manifest in various forms, including:
- Social Isolation. This involves limiting or controlling an individual’s interactions with others within the religious community or even outside of it. This may include discouraging friendships or relationships with those who do not share the same beliefs or practices.
- Emotional Isolation. This occurs when individuals feel emotionally disconnected or alienated from their religious community due to fear of judgment, shame, or rejection. It may result from strict adherence to religious doctrines or expectations that prevent individuals from expressing doubts, questions, or emotions openly.
- Intellectual Isolation. Some religious groups may discourage critical thinking, questioning, or dissenting opinions, leading to intellectual isolation. Individuals may feel isolated if they are unable to explore their beliefs or engage in meaningful dialogue about their faith without fear of reprisal.
- Physical Isolation. In extreme cases, individuals may be physically separated from their religious community or support networks as a form of punishment or control. This could include exile, expulsion, or confinement within specific spaces.
Church leaders may wield isolation as a tool for control by enforcing strict social, emotional, and intellectual boundaries, thereby maintaining power dynamics and discouraging dissent or independent thinking within the community.
The Human Cost: Effects on Individuals
Isolation in religious contexts can be a powerful tool for control. It undermines individuals’ autonomy, self-esteem, and ability to critically evaluate their beliefs and experiences. It creates an environment of dependency on religious authorities and reinforce adherence to strict religious doctrines or practices.
Isolation within religious communities can also have significant emotional consequences for individuals, including:
- Feelings of Rejection and Abandonment. Being ostracised or shunned by one’s religious community can lead to profound feelings of rejection and abandonment. Individuals may struggle with a sense of worthlessness and loneliness, especially if they were previously closely connected to the community.
- Guilt and Shame. Those who experience isolation within their religious community may internalise feelings of guilt and shame. Resulting in the belief that they are somehow at fault for not adhering to the group’s expectations. This can contribute to low self-esteem and a negative self-image.
- Loss of Identity and Belonging. For many people, their religious community is a central aspect of their identity and sense of belonging. Being isolated from this community can lead to a loss of identity and a sense of disconnection from one’s cultural and social roots.
- Emotional Distress and Mental Health Issues. The emotional toll of isolation within religious communities can manifest in various mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and even suicidal ideation. The lack of social support and understanding can exacerbate existing emotional distress and make it difficult for individuals to seek help.
The emotional toll of isolation within religious communities is profound and far-reaching.
The Price I Paid
The grief I experienced over the relationships that I lost and the community I was forced to leave, was heartbreaking. The silence, had never felt so noisy. What once was a busy and fulfilling life was now, full of betrayal, abandonment and yep isolation.
Isolation doesn’t always sound like “You cannot step into this church” or “We are not allowed to speak to you”. For me, it sounded like “You are welcome, but we do require you to have regularly bible studies on biblical living with an elder” and “I cannot support that lifestyle”. It was when close friendships didn’t reply to messages, or when nobody called after you suddenly weren’t at church.
It was overwhelming, painful and I was lost with no sense of direction or purpose. They knew this and they simply didn’t care enough to step outside of their beliefs to care for me as a person.
Breaking Free: Overcoming Isolation
If you are facing isolation in your community, here are some practical tips to navigate this challenging situation:
- Seek Support Outside the Community. Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups who may not be part of your faith community. They can often offer understanding, empathy, and practical support during this time.
- Find Online Communities. Explore online forums, social media groups, or virtual support communities. This is where you can connect with others who have similar experiences or who can offer guidance and encouragement.
- Engage in Self-Care. Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being by prioritising activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This could include exercise, mindfulness practices, creative hobbies, or spending time in nature.
- Seek Professional Help. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor who specialises in religious trauma. They can provide a safe space for you to process your feelings and experiences without judgment.
- Set Boundaries. Establish clear boundaries with members of your faith community if interacting with them is causing you emotional distress. This may involve limiting contact, setting communication boundaries, or politely declining invitations to events or gatherings that you find triggering.
- Explore Alternative Spiritual Practices. Explore alternative spiritual practices or belief systems that resonate with you and provide a sense of connection, meaning, and purpose outside of your current faith community.
- Educate Yourself. Understanding the psychological and emotional dynamics at play can help you navigate your experiences more effectively and empower you to make informed decisions about your healing journey.
Remember that overcoming isolation within your faith community is a gradual process, and it’s okay to seek support and take small steps towards healing. You are not alone, and there are resources and communities available to support you on your journey.
Why Should This Matter?
Isolation within churches serves as a potent tool for control, manifesting through various forms such as social exclusion, emotional manipulation, and restricted access to information. This deliberate separation fosters dependency on religious authorities, stifles independent thought, and perpetuates conformity to rigid doctrines. Resulting in a heavy toll on individuals, as well as, feelings of rejection, guilt, and loss of identity.
Yet, by fostering awareness and open dialogue about these dynamics, individuals can reclaim agency and begin dismantling the structures of control within their religious communities. Empowered by understanding, individuals are encouraged to seek support, set boundaries, and advocate for inclusivity, thereby fostering environments of acceptance, empathy, and genuine connection within their religious communities.
If you would like to talk further about your experience being isolated, contact me here! I provide therapy support worldwide (except the US & Canada).