Christmas often comes wrapped in twinkling lights and sentimental ads, promising warmth, joy, and perfect family moments. But for those healing from religious trauma—or just navigating a complicated relationship with the season—it can feel anything but cozy.
For many of us, the holidays are an emotional minefield, a reminder of old expectations, or just downright exhausting. Creating a supportive environment during this time can help you reclaim the season, one intentional choice at a time. Let’s dive into how to make it happen—with a little depth, a lot of compassion, and just enough humour to keep things real.
Find Your People
The holidays can feel isolating, especially if you’ve stepped away from a faith community or family traditions that no longer resonate. Finding your people—the ones who truly get it—can make all the difference.
Your people might be a small circle of friends who understand your journey, an online support group where you can share without fear of judgment, or a therapist who helps you untangle the complicated feelings the season brings up.
And don’t underestimate the power of shared experiences. Host a gathering (or a virtual one) where you can celebrate in a way that feels right for you. This might mean swapping funny “what even was that church Christmas play?” stories or sharing hot chocolate and collectively ignoring that carols are playing in the background at every store. Your people are the ones who let you breathe deeply and laugh loudly—find them, and hold them close.
Curate A Space That Feels Safe
Your home doesn’t have to look like a Pinterest-perfect holiday dream. What it should feel like is safe, comforting, and completely you.
Designate a corner—or even an entire room—where you can escape the holiday chaos. Maybe it’s a cozy chair with a weighted blanket and your favorite books. Maybe it’s a kitchen table where you’ve set up an absurdly large puzzle, just for the joy of ignoring your phone for hours. Or maybe it’s your bedroom, where twinkle lights glow softly, and a playlist of indie folk or lo-fi beats drowns out the world.
It’s about creating a physical space that matches what you need emotionally. It might not solve everything, but it can be a powerful anchor when the season feels overwhelming.
Plan Breaks Like A Pro
Let’s be honest—holidays come with people. Even the ones you adore can be a lot after a while. Add in complicated family dynamics or the emotional weight of past trauma, and suddenly, scheduling breaks becomes not just helpful but essential.
Think of breaks as your reset button. If you’re visiting family, plan a quick errand to “grab more milk” (even if the fridge is full). If you’re hosting, excuse yourself to “check on something” and spend a few minutes doing breathing or grounding exercises in your room. And if you’re attending a group gathering? Steal a moment to go outside, sit in your car, or even hide in the bathroom for a few glorious minutes of solitude.
A quick recharge can make all the difference—and no one needs to know you’re not actually checking on the laundry.
Be Intentional About Media
Holiday media is… everywhere. From sentimental Christmas classics to the over-the-top joy of Hallmark movies, it can sometimes feel like the season is conspiring to tug at your heartstrings in ways you didn’t sign up for.
This year, take control of your watch list, playlist, and bookshelf. Skip the sappiness and go for the stuff that truly lifts you up. Need some ideas?
- Movies that buck the Christmas trend: Die Hard, The Nightmare Before Christmas, or Gremlins are excellent options for a twist on holiday vibes.
- Feel-good, no-holiday-pressure films: Try Paddington, Little Miss Sunshine, or The Princess Bride for wholesome, comforting fun.
- Laugh-out-loud escapes: Go for Pitch Perfect, Knives Out, or Bridesmaids—because nothing cures stress quite like belly laughs.
For music, try instrumental playlists or nostalgic hits from your teen years (yes, even if it was emo). And for books, dive into a gripping mystery or fantasy world where Christmas doesn’t even exist.
Ground Yourself With Self Care Rituals
Amidst the chaos, self-care can be your greatest ally. Think of it as a set of tiny practices to help you stay centered and calm, no matter how wild the season gets.
When the holiday chaos kicks in, try a breathwork hack that feels less like a chore: box breathing. Picture drawing a square with your breath—inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold again for four. Or, if you’re in full panic mode, try a big ol’ sigh. Seriously, a deep inhale and a long, dramatic exhale can feel weirdly satisfying. Bonus points if you add an eye roll for flair.
For grounding, shake things up with a sensory stroll. Take a walk (even just around your house) and focus on one thing you can hear, one thing you can see, one thing you can touch. Or grab something with texture—like a soft blanket or a stress ball—and really feel it. And if you’re into smells, light a candle that doesn’t scream Christmas, like lavender or fresh linen.
Other rituals might include journaling with a cup of tea, taking a long bath with your favourite playlist, or moving your body in a way that feels good—whether that’s yoga, dancing around your living room, or stomping through crunchy leaves on a walk.
Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming. It just needs to remind you that you’re here, you’re okay, and you’re allowed to prioritise you.
Reclaiming Christmas
Christmas doesn’t have to look like it did before. It doesn’t have to be perfect, or magical, or meet anyone else’s expectations. Whether you’re redefining traditions, skipping them entirely, or just taking it day by day, you deserve a season that feels good for you.
So, find your people, carve out your space, take those breaks, and choose media that sparks joy. And if all else fails? Turn on a non-Christmas movie, pour yourself a drink (hot chocolate or otherwise), and remind yourself that you’re doing an amazing job navigating this season in a way that feels authentic.
Here’s to a Christmas that’s quieter, simpler, and all yours.
To hear more about navigating Christmas as a religious trauma survivor – check out our latest bonus episode. ‘How to be okay over Christmas’ – listen wherever you get your podcasts!
Struggling with the holidays? You don’t have to face it alone. If this season feels heavy, let’s work together to create a plan that supports you. Therapy can be a safe space to unpack the emotions, navigate the triggers, and find meaningful ways to care for yourself during this time.
Reach out today to explore how we can work together. You deserve support, especially now.