Today I awoke to the news that Shannen Doherty, actress known for Beverly Hills 90210 and Charmed had died after a long battle with cancer. I was immediately saddened by this. Not only because the world has watched her fight against the disease with such ferocity and strength. But because I have a deeply personal connection to her work.
The Impact of One Prue Halliwell
Prue Halliwell, was Shannen’s character in the TV show Charmed. This was a show that I grew up on – I lived and breathed it; wearing out the DVD’s. I have watched it countless times, never failing to sob at the characters heartbreaking end.
Prue was strong, fierce, independent and magnetic – I aspired to be as powerful as she was. I soon learnt – Prue didn’t just have these qualities, so did Shannen.
Watching (albeit from afar) the way she navigated public life, scrutiny and her cancer diagnosis was nothing short of incredible. She was strong, brave, vulnerable and more than anything she was honest.
I am heartbroken someone a wonderful and bright as she was is no longer in the world.
A Charmed Yet Complex Life
Charmed has always been my greatest TV love; but it didn’t always feel that way. Don’t get me wrong, I have never not loved this series, but for a long time I felt guilty for that love.
The church that I was involved with, repelled everything that could be seen as ‘not of God’. It also viewed these as ‘gateways to a sinful lifestyle’ and a TV show about witchcraft and demons definitely fell into that space.
Guilt is a powerful force, it drove an unrelenting need to ‘make up’ for this. I devoted myself more to the church and to God, and it made me fear something that I never had nor needed to.
The world of Wicca, tarot, and generally anything in the mystical realm, was always something that I was drawn to. It became just another aspect of myself that was deemed sinful.
Whilst I never stopped watching it, I did become riddled with guilt – placed on me by others and myself. It reinforced a greater wedge between myself and anything that felt good, and authentic.
The Power of Three…and Authenticity.
This might be a strange and seemingly minor way that I have been able to embrace my authentic self. It is simply a symptom of something much larger that too often is experienced by survivors of religious trauma.
Charmed was just one of the ways that I felt the weight of suppression that the church brought me. Fundamental spaces thrive on conformity and control and for that to truly thrive – you need to lose all that makes you well YOU!
Embracing your authentic self is hard, and it certainly is not a destination. Humans evolve, you will evolve and that can feel both scary and liberating.
You deserve to live your life on your own terms – because you life is your own. You have the power and ability to regain the control over your own story.
The Reality and Practicalities
This won’t happen overnight – it’s not supposed to. These are some of things I suggest and have found to be helpful personally also.
- Journal regularly – Write about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences (no matter how deep or mundane). This helps you understand yourself better.
- Feel your feelings – Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions openly and honestly. Find trusted and safe people to do this with.
- Identify your core values – Clearly define what matters most to you. Make decisions and take actions that align with these values. Set boundaries and learn to say no to things that don’t align with your values or drain your energy.
- Practice self-compassion – Accept that you’re human and make mistakes. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Acknowledge and celebrate your progress, no matter how small.
- Pursue what you’re passionate about – Spend time doing things that genuinely interest and excite you. Don’t be afraid to try new things and discover what truly resonates with you.
- Slow is fast – Embracing authenticity is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself. Keep working on being true to yourself, even when it’s challenging.
You deserve to be yourself – whoever that person is.
Support
If this is something you are struggling with this, or you would like to explore it more please reach out. I would love to walk this path with you.
Send me an email here. Or jump over to Instagram and connect with me there.