The Reality
Many people think that a place that is welcoming is a place that is safe. The reality could be the furthest from the truth – only you get to define whether a space is safe. Religious Trauma can be an unfortunate reality.
“We are not a LGBT affirming church, but we are LGBT welcoming – you are always welcome to fellowship with us”.
“Whilst we can’t allow LGBT people to serve; you are always welcome in the house of God.”
“We have had many LGBT people in our congregation.”
“The Bible guides us in all we do in this church, the building is not ours but God’s, all are welcome to enter through those doors.”
I have heard all these responses and many more when trying to find a church that would affirm my relationship. It is relentless, heartbreaking, soul crushing and infuriating.
Let me be clear, none of the churches that responded this way were a safe place. For those who don’t know this world or don’t speak church, here is what these translate into in reality:
“You are welcome here, just don’t be openly gay – we condemn your lifestyle, we just don’t do it openly.”
“You can come, but you are living a life of sin so all you will ever be able to do is sit here, but you are still expected to tithe.”
“LGBT people have come here, but they felt so uncomfortable that they left which I am speaking in past tense.”
“We take the bible literally which means we think marriage is between a man and a woman and homosexuality is an abomination; but God says we need to love the sinner and hate the sin.”
The Impact
When I was forced out of my former church because of my relationship with my now wife, I still had my faith, and I was desperate to find a safe place for me to land. I had lost SO much in such a short time span. I thought finding another church would give me a sense of grounding, and help me find my feet.
As I sent out multiples emails and attended multiple churches; I was met with watered down responses, flakiness and gaslighting. Every response was a punch, and my identity, faith and self-worth took the blows.
We need to take this seriously; people in the Queer Community are continuously being discriminated against based on religion.
Internal Impact
The psychological distress caused by discrimination within the queer community is a significant and deeply concerning issue. LGBTQIA+ individuals often face prejudice, stigma, and marginalisation, which can have severe negative impacts on their mental well-being.
Experiencing discrimination can lead to feelings of shame, self-doubt, and internalised homophobia or transphobia. It also contributes to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders. The constant fear of rejection, exclusion, and violence can create a persistent state of stress and hyper-vigilance. The cumulative effect of discrimination over time can erode self-esteem, hinder personal growth, and adversely affect overall quality of life. It is crucial for religious spaces to recognise and address the psychological toll of discrimination on the queer community. Working towards creating inclusive and accepting environments that promote mental well-being for all individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.
Some statistics…
Compared to the general population, LGBTIQ people have significantly higher rates of attempted suicide.
- LGBTIQ young people aged 16 to 27 are five times more likely to attempt suicide (16% report attempting suicide).
- Transgender people aged 18 and over are nearly eleven times more likely to attempt suicide (48.1% report attempting suicide).
- People with an intersex variation aged over 16 are six times more likely to attempt suicide (19% report attempting suicide).[i]
You can find more heartbreaking statistics like this here.
The Future
Religious spaces can be safe; but the people leading them need to listen to the LGBTQIA+ community. Listen to the people that you are trying to create safety for – you owe us that much.
This is what I needed…
“Creating safe and affirming spaces of worship for the Queer community requires specific elements that foster inclusivity and acceptance. Firstly, a safe space embraces diversity and recognises that all individuals, beloved and worthy of love and acceptance not despite or regardless of their sexuality/gender but because of it. This can be demonstrated through inclusive language in sermons, prayers, teachings, that acknowledge and respect the experiences of queer individuals.
Inclusive practices, such as using gender-neutral language, respecting pronouns, recognising same-sex relationships and performing same-sex marriages, and acknowledging the unique experiences of the queer community, are also essential. Promoting education and awareness about LGBTQIA+ issues within the faith community is vital, as it helps challenge stereotypes and fosters understanding.
Having openly Queer leadership in all areas, allies who are knowledgeable about LGBTQIA+ issues and actively advocating for LGBTQIA+ rights and equality, creates an environment of acceptance and support. Additionally, creating spaces within the place of worship where individuals can openly express their authentic selves without fear of judgment or discrimination is important, particularly for transgender and gender diverse individuals.
Include LGBTQIA+ support groups, discussion forums, or events that celebrate queer identities. Encouraging allyship and advocacy within the faith community further contributes to a culture of acceptance and support. Allies must actively stand up against discrimination, promote equality, and amplify the voices of the Queer community.
In order to truly create safe and affirming spaces of worship for the Queer community, it is imperative for places of worship to establish robust policies and procedures that explicitly address and condemn discrimination and abuse, ensuring they are enforced without exception. Bigotry and prejudice have no place within these sacred spaces, and it is essential to actively work towards fostering an environment where all individuals are respected, valued, and protected.
By implementing these elements, we can work together to cultivate places of worship that embrace love, acceptance, and inclusivity for all individuals, ensuring that the queer community feels seen, valued, and celebrated within the realm of spirituality.”
A reminder to the Queer Community
To my fellow queer people of faith who are still in religious space; it is important for me to remind you that you are worthy of love, acceptance, and celebration just as you are. You deserve to be in spaces where your authentic self is not just tolerated, but truly celebrated.
Do not settle for mere “welcoming” gestures that fall short of embracing your identity. Remember that your worth extends far beyond the limitations and biases of others. You have the right to exist in spaces where your presence is valued, where you can fully express your truth without fear or shame.
It may be difficult to leave behind spaces that do not fully embrace you, but always remember that there are communities out there that will celebrate your unique identity, love you unconditionally, and support your spiritual journey. You deserve nothing less than that. Hold onto your worth and seek out spaces where your light can shine brightly.
Seek Support
If you have faced this discrimination, I would encourage you to seek support from a trusted professional. To reach out to me, you can use this contact form.
[i] Snapshot of Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Statistics for LGBTI People (No. 2; pp. 1–14). (2020). National LGBTI Health Alliance. https://d3n8a8pro7vhmx.cloudfront.net/lgbtihealth/pages/240/attachments/original/1595492235/2020Snapshot_mental_health_%281%29.pdf?1595492235