Four years have passed since I began confronting the deep-seated impacts of my religious trauma. The journey of healing continues to unfold. Just last week, whilst scrolling on Instagram, I had a lightbulb moment.
It was a simple realisation, but one that stopped me in my tracks. My struggle with silence, meditation, and journaling was intricately linked to the spectre of my religious past.
The Quiet Moments
In those quiet moments, when I attempted to connect with myself and the world around me, I couldn’t shake the haunting memories of “quiet times” spent in prayer, desperately trying to “hear from God.” Even then, I never felt proficient at these practices. The pressure to perform, to have a profound spiritual encounter during these designated times, weighed heavily on me.
All too often what was written in a private journal had an expectation of becoming public. This would happen in small groups, prayer circles, bible studies and ‘accountability chats’. So, I found myself censoring what I wrote or making sure that I was writing the ‘right prayers’. Fearing that I would be forced to disclose private thoughts and feelings.
An Ever Present Fear
And now, as I try to engage in mindfulness exercises or pour my thoughts onto paper, those same old insecurities rear their heads once more. The fear of not doing it “right,” the lingering doubt that I’ll never measure up to some invisible standard. It’s all there, woven into the fabric of my being.
But the thing I’ve come to realise: healing isn’t linear. It’s not a destination to be reached but a journey to be lived. And part of that journey involves being gentle with ourselves, especially in the face of our deepest wounds from religious trauma.
Self Compassion & Gentleness
So, I remind myself—and perhaps you, too—that it’s okay to stumble along the way. It’s okay if meditation feels like a struggle, if journaling brings up uncomfortable emotions, if sitting in silence feels more like a battleground than a sanctuary.
What matters most is not the perfection of our practice but the sincerity of our effort. It’s about showing up for ourselves with kindness and compassion. Even when the wounds of the past threaten to pull us back into darkness.
So, to anyone out there navigating their own path of healing from religious trauma, I offer these words. You are not alone. Your journey is valid, your struggles are real, and your worth is inherent, regardless of where you stand in this moment.
Reach Out
If you find yourself resonating with these reflections and wrestling with the lingering impacts of religious trauma, know that you’re not alone. Seeking therapeutic support can provide a safe space to explore these feelings, unpack the layers of your experiences, and cultivate healing.
You deserve compassion, understanding, and the opportunity to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth.
If you’re ready to take that step, consider reaching out; I am a therapist who specialises in religious trauma and LGBTQIA+ affirming care. Your healing journey begins with a single, courageous act of reaching out.
You can connect with me over on Instagram or you can contact me here.
If you would like to read more of my story you can download my recent Ebook – A Shattered Sanctuary – From Fellowship to Freedom.