“When we let go of the beliefs and traditions that once shaped our identity, it can feel like losing a part of ourselves. We mourn the loss of the familiar, the comfort of certainty and the community that once surrounded us”.
We experience grief because of many situations, death, change, or a relationship breakdown. For those of us who navigate healing from religious trauma; grief is inevitable and like all grief it can come in waves.
Grief is a huge aspect of my own personal journey; I lost a faith community, I lost friends, I lost my sense of self and ultimately, I lost what my faith had always looked like.
What is Religious Trauma?
It is important here to understand that trauma is not what happens to you, it is not the event or the actions; trauma is what happens inside of you because of what happens outside of you.
The Religious Trauma Institute defines religious trauma as; “The physical, emotional, or psychological response to religious beliefs, practices, or structures that is experienced by an individual as overwhelming or disruptive and has lasting adverse effects on a person’s physical, mental, social, emotional, or spiritual well-being.”
Broad right? It also means that what will be traumatic for one person, may not be for another.
What can cause Religious Trauma?
There are many things that can overwhelm out nervous system; particularly if it is done repetitively over a long period or if it occurs during childhood.
Some examples of could include:
- Experiencing or witnessing violence in a religious setting; this can include emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, it can also include witnessing ‘spiritual warfare’ or being physically disciplined as a child.
- Growing up under rigid religious beliefs or having strict religious practices that are required to conform to; this could be explicitly or implicitly stated.
- Feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt, shame or worthlessness connected to your religious community or doctrines; as Dr Hillary McBride states “Spiritual Trauma has been with us, as long as anyone has been told they were broken from the start”.
- Feeling abandoned or betrayed by your religious community; this is particularly prevalent for those in the LGBTQIA+ community who are often ostracised and even kicked out of churches.
- Oppressive or fear-based doctrine, such as the fear of hell or enforcing conservative and rigid gender roles within the church.
- Purity Culture: you can read more about this in my other blog.
Where does grief come in?
The grief that is experienced from religious trauma can be both overwhelming and all consuming, particularly at the beginning. There are many reasons why grief and religious trauma go hand in hand; you are navigating multiple forms of loss.
Some losses that are easy to see, lost community if you leave your faith community, lost friendships, loss of traditions and rituals; although many losses that are harder for us to see and sometimes harder for others to understand.
These losses look like; a loss of identity, loss of belonging, loss of hope and sense of certainty; there can also be grief around your own choices and behaviours in upholding a system that caused harm.
I have personally experienced all of these; I will be soon releasing a free eBook of my story; head over and add your email to be the first to receive it.
What does grief look like?
Grief for those navigating religious trauma is unique; it leaves a void that many simply don’t understand. I understand.
You may find yourself searching for new ways to find meaning, comfort, and a sense of belonging.
Whilst grief looks different for everyone; some of the common experiences include:
- Doubting
- Intrusive thoughts about past teachings and doctrines
- Confusion around your identity
- Internal conflict and fear around punishment and judgement
- Feelings of guilt and shame around new beliefs or leaving the church
- Loneliness and isolation
- Anger at harmful systems
- Anxiety around finding a new sense of purpose and meaning
- Withdrawal and revaluating social connections and relationships
- Compulsive behaviours such as alcohol or drug use
Healing grief within religious trauma
Just as grief is unique, so is your healing; but we know that connecting with your body, nature, creative expression, finding new communities and therapy are all great ways to kick start that post-traumatic growth.
There are so many options, so find what works for you. Some examples are:
- Therapy
- Rituals of closure
- Yoga and meditation
- Support Groups
- Mindfulness
- Journaling
- Spiritual Exploration
- Focus on self-care and emotional wellbeing
- Get educated
I am entirely bias, but finding a therapist who understands religious trauma is your greatest asset; that way your healing is specific to you and guided by a professional who can hold space for your thoughts, feelings, and experience.
Therapy can also be a powerful way to begin rewriting your own story and find your voice. Storytelling is an immense force; so much so that I created a whole podcast on it. It will be launching very soon, so connect to stay up to date on that.
Looking for a therapist?
Whether you’re seeking healing from religious trauma, exploring your identity, or working through relationship challenges, I’m here for you. Let’s embark on a journey of self-discovery and resilience together.